Only One
by TimrousBeastie
Summary: My first songfic. My friend played me Yellowcard's 'Only One,' and i HAD to do this. As for a summary Rose tells the Doctor her feelings for him, and the Doctor explains, much to her sadness, why it can never be. But the Doctor has feelings of his own. Pr


**A/N: Ok.. well this is my first songfic. I just heard the song, and thought 'wow.' I was debating whether to create an entirely new story line, or to incorporate the song into the ending of Doomsday. I thought I'd be original, so here you go...**

**SUMMARY: Rose can't sleep, she needs to tell the Doctor something. The Doctor's reactions aren't what she wanted... she's sad... ehem.. I've said it before, and I'll say it again; I suck at these summaries.**

**DISCLAIMER: You know the drill... I don't own Doctor Who, this amazing song (download it by the way), or David Tennant... but i do own a sonic screwdriver mad cackle ... not that the screwdriver actually plays a part in this little story... but i felt like telling you all that... Ok, I'll shutup now...**

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**Only One**

_Broken this fragile thing now  
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces  
And I've thrown my words all around  
But I can't, I can't give you a reason _

I feel so broken up

_And I give up  
I just want to tell you so you know_

Rose couldn't sleep. She was tossing and turning, and moving her duvet up, down, left and right to try to get comfortable… Nothing worked. Her mind was too full.

She was thinking. She was thinking about the Doctor as usual – when was there a time when she _wasn't_ thinking about him?

She smiled. He'd held her hand again today, and smiled at her. It almost made her cry that he did it so casually – that he never meant anything by it.

How on Earth was she supposed to get on normally, feelings such intense longings in her? It had built up so much, she could barely sleep at night. And tonight… Tonight she was going to do something about it.

Tonight she was going to tell him.

On impulse, she sprang out of bed and made for her door. Then her brain caught up with her. Just what the _hell_ was she doing? There was no _way_ she was going to tell him _that_. She forced herself to lie back down on the bed, and willed herself to go to sleep.

…But it niggled in the back of her mind…

Rose knew she'd never be able to let it go now. Once she thought of something, she had to follow it through; had to finish it – otherwise she'd never get any rest. It would keep niggling at her until she did it.

She groaned. Sometimes she hated herself.

She slid out of bed again and padded to the door, quietly opening it, and making her way to the control room.

The Doctor was, as per usual, fiddling with part of his beloved TARDIS, and sensed her as she walked in.

"Can't sleep?" He said sympathetically, turning round.

He frowned – Rose looked very nervous about something. She was trembling, and looked almost… _scared_…

'Scared' was an understatement. Rose was _terrified_. She actually felt faint, and would've backed out there and then, had it not been for the persistent stubborn voice at the back of her mind; telling her to get on and do it.

_Here I go, scream my lungs out and try to get to you  
You are my only one  
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do  
You are my only, my only one_

"We need.. Can I… I need to… to talk" she stammered, her voice sounding higher than normal.

"Rose?" the Doctor asked worriedly, moving towards her, "Are you ok?"

"No," she smiled weakly. "I think… I may…" Oh God, she felt so hot. She was sweating so much. She tapped her foot nervously on the floor.

Up, down, up, down, up, down… It was almost hypnotic.

He gazed at her. "Just… breathe. Take your time."

_For GOD'S sake, just _say_ it and stop being a coward._ Her mind screamed at her, giving her a huge burst of courage she didn't normally posses, and before she could bow out…

"I love you," she blurted.

The Doctor stopped… And stared… "What?"

Rose's brain caught up with her mouth; her expression horrified. She could not _believe_ she'd gone and said it. She went crimson… But there was no turning back now.

"I.. s-said that… I umm.. I l-l-loved you." She whispered.

"Oh Rose," the Doctor sighed. "Please don't do this."

"Why not?" Rose's voice gained defiance, "I do."

"I can't… We can't…"

"Can't what?"

"I can't love you."

Tears were threatening to spill over her eyes now. She'd done it.. She'd gone through the whole nervous and embarrassing experience leading up to her telling him her feelings… Been so bold.

And for what? She felt empty and crushed. As though she had a gaping hole drilled inside her.

"Why not?" she breathed.

"Because I am a Time Lord. I have to protect the universe… I can't… love."

The tears were falling now as Rose choked. "You could try."

The Doctor realised three things: Firstly, Rose could never understand it – could never understand his life.

Secondly, no matter how much he loved her, how much it killed him to love her, he could never show it. He would doom them both.

One day she would leave him. They all did. And his heart would break. Or she would die. And that would tear him apart. And what if others found out? They'd use it as a weakness.

No. Emotions were too dangerous. And love was the most dangerous of all.

The third thing he realised, was that no matter what he said, Rose would always harbor a hope, however small, that he _might_ be able to love her. He knew that the only way to stop Rose from hoping – to stop her from wishing her life away – was to firmly stamp out any hope in her.

And so, with a heavy heart, he looked into her eyes, and said in a dull voice, "Rose, I never loved you. And I… I could never love you anymore than as a friend."

It was a lie. But Rose wasn't to know that; and it broke her.

"I'm sorry," she sobbed _I'm sorry for loving you_. And she ran.

"No Rose…" he whispered into nothingness, "_I'm_ sorry." And then, he said even softer, "I love you."

* * *

_Made my mistakes, let you down  
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long_

Rose fell onto her bed, yelling into her pillow. Why had she been so stupid? She'd made everything worse. He would always be cautious around her. She'd always be embarrassed around him. Their lives would become awkward. He may even ask her to leave.

She choked on her tears. She'd ruined everything.

Her feelings had been hell before she'd told him – but at least before, she could pretend that he loved her back. Still imagine how he would tell her he loved her.

Now… Now it was just a mess. There was no way she could fantasize that he loved her. Not now that he'd bluntly said it wasn't possible. She felt empty.

Ignorance is, indeed, a bliss.

There was a knock at the door. Rose instantly stopped crying, and froze. Oh no. Oh God. He'd come. What was going to happen now? This was it. He was going to yell at her. He was going to be angry. Or disappointed. Or both.

He would tell her to leave.

Rose shook at the thought. Feeling of nausea rose up inside her.

She couldn't leave. She wouldn't leave.

She'd handcuff herself to her door.

She'd lock herself fin her room.

She'd beg with the TARDIS.

She'd:-

Hundreds of plans flashed in her mind's eyes. She felt physically ill. He was going to get rid of her.

She retched emptily.

"Rose?" The Doctor's worried voice came through the door, a split second before opening it and coming in. He took in Rose's bloodshot eyes, mascara-smeared face tangled hair, and pallid complexion.

"Oh Rose," his brow creased with worry as he came to sit cross-legged beside her lying form.

She gave a groan and retched again, shivering violently. The Doctor resisted the urge to wrap his arms around her – he knew that she was feeling awkward and embarrassed. And that he'd only make things worse. He could not, for the life of him, even begin to think why Rose was having this reaction. She was almost throwing up for God's sake!

"P-please," Rose trembled, "don't be angry w-with me. Please don't g-get rid of m-m-me."

The Doctor stared at her. Is that really what she thought of him? She thought he'd just abandon her? Kick her out and leave her? He could only gape. He felt like dirt, absolutely hating himself.

"P-please. I-I'll do anything. I s-swear, just give me another chance, and I'll…"

The Doctor interrupted her by pulling her into his lap.

"Do you really think that I'd ever get rid of you? Do you really think that little of me? That I'd do something like that?"

Rose was silenced, and gazed up at him with her doleful brown eyes.

He sighed. "Rose. I'd never, ever do that to you. No matter what you do. I'd never leave you. Do you understand me?"

Rose nodded dumbly.

A glint flashed through the Doctor's eye, "Well… I say 'never,' but if Jackie ever threatens to slap me again, I may have to reconsider," he grinned.

Rose managed a weak giggle. "So you're not… uh.. mad at me or anyfin'?"

The Doctor's face turned serious, "Why should I be mad at you? If anything, I'm flattered."

Rose went slightly pink.

* * *

The Doctor gave another sigh, and stared, unseeingly, at the wall, deep in thought and distractedly fiddling with strands of her golden hair. 

"Another place, Another time. Under different circumstance… then maybe…" he paused, trying to find the right words. He didn't want to hurt her.

"I am a Timelord. The last Timelord. Sadness crossed his face before he continued, and Rose instinctively and unthinkingly took hold of his hand. She always did this when he talked of his past. She liked to think it comforted him. In a strange way it did. The Doctor knew she'd never understand his complicated life. Knew that she would never have to experience the anguish he felt on a daily basis. But somehow. That hand. That little hand that belonged to Rose Tyler; nineteen year old London shop girl… When that little hand clutched his own, he felt just that little bit better.

He carried on carefully. "As the last Timelord, I have duties… I have to look after the universe Rose. And it's a big universe. There's millions of planets out there – just like yours. Humans can never appreciate the vastness of it. Nothing can. Except me… And I alone have to look after it. I look after you too Rose… But what happens if I'm in a situation where I have to choose between the universe and you? What then?"

Rose thought she understood. She hated it; but understood nevertheless.

"But it's not just that Rose," he went on, "humans… you're lives are so short… You will die… You could die tomorrow. Or in seventy years. But I will have to carry on alone. Try to imagine it Rose. Constantly lonely. Picking up a few travelers a few friends… But not getting close to them. Because you know that you'll outlive them by an eternity."

Tears filled Rose's eyes. They had nothing to do with her thinking about death. She was crying for the Doctor. For, even though he never believed her able to understand, she could grasp at what it was like for him. The never-ending solitude. And she ached for him. She felt like tearing her own heart out.

She knew that if she ever got the chance to heal him… Heal all his lonely sorrows. She would take it without question. She would sell her soul to help save him from his loneliness.

But the Doctor ploughed on, not noticing the tears that threatened to spill over her cheeks.

"Then there's always the fact that humans leave."

Rose shook her head violently at this. "No… I wouldn't."

The Doctor looked kindly at her, "Rose. I know that now, at this stage in time, leaving seems impossible to you – that you'll never do so. But humans get bored easily and quickly. It's a common fact. In a few years time, you'll get bored. Or you'll want to settle down. You'll want a husband, and children, and a house. Maybe a pet dog. But you won't have that with me. I fly with stars. I don't stay still. And I cannot have the extra responsibilities of caring for a family – I would only put them in danger…"

Rose reached up the hand that wasn't currently occupied with the Doctor's, and turned his face so that he was looking at her. "Doctor, I swear to you. Whatever you may think. I will never leave you."

The Doctor opened his mouth to interrupt, but Rose got there first. "No. I know you don't believe me, and you never will. I understand that you have the whole of the universe on your shoulder. But surely it's better to share the burden."

She went on, arguing against his other clearly stated points, "I know I'll die soon. But everything dies. Surely it wouldn't make any difference to your reaction to my death whether you loved me or not… I imagine you'd be just as upset either way." She gave him a half-amused, half-determined look as he nodded, speechless.

"And anyway. You'll die eventually Doctor… Everything comes to an end. You can't just go on regenerating. How many regenerations do you have left Doctor?"

But she carried on before he could answer, "If you feel so alone, why don't you ever let me help you? I could help if you would only let me… And, I know you doubt me, but I said before, and I'll say it again. I am never leaving you. Believe what you wish, but you're stuck with me. I don't want children. I don't want a husband. I don't want a house – the TARDIS is my home. And, believe it or not, I _don't_ want a pet dog."

The corners of his mouth twitched into a small smile.

"All I want is to spend the rest of my life with you. I'll fly with stars alongside you."

There was a silence, broken only by the sound of Rose and the Doctor's gentle breathing. It wasn't an awkward silence.

Rose was happy just to lie in his arms with her head against his chest, his double heart-beat soothing and relaxing her.

The Doctor was contemplating what Rose had said. Yes; she'd argued well, and the points she'd made had been very thought-provoking. There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind – _"What if?" _

What if they could?

What if it were possible?

* * *

_Ran my whole life in the ground  
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone _

And something's breaking up  
I feel like giving up  
I won't walk out until you know

He gazed at her, and reflected back on their first meeting. A silly little ape that had got in the way of his otherwise fool-proof plan. He'd seen her, surrounded by the Autons, and had, of course, jumped in to save her.

When he'd seen her, he had wondered if she was… different. Somehow.

He couldn't explain it. He'd just got a strange feeling that she wasn't _like_ other humans. That she'd stop to appreciate things. That she believed there was something else out there.

And as soon as he'd grabbed her hand, he knew. She'd almost sent bolts of electricity through him. This one was different. This one was special . When she was around… She just gave him a purpose. He dreaded to think of her leaving him.

_Here I go so dishonestly  
Leave a note for you my only one  
And I know you can see right through me  
So let me go and you will find someone_

He looked down at her, her face tilted slightly upwards, and her forehead tucked under his chin. Her eyes were closed, and she was taking long even breaths. Well it wasn't really a surprise that she'd worn herself out – she'd been emotionally exhausted.

He gazed at her peaceful face, and let guilt wash over him. He wished with both hearts that he could tell her he loved her. He knew how much pain and sadness he'd caused her… If he could tell her he loved her… He knew he'd help her. Comfort her. Make her happy. End her anguish… but he couldn't. It would destroy them both.

And so, he leant down, gently and carefully so as not to wake her, and tilted her face up towards his own. He gently brushed his lips against hers and kissed her as she slept. It was a long and meaningful kiss; full of love, passion, and a craving for something more.

It was everything he wanted to give her; but never could.

He murmured in her ear, "Oh Rose… I will only bring you sadness. You're worth so much more than that. I wish I could tell you how much you mean to me." His voice was full of regret.

"Find someone else… Someone who'll treat you with the life you deserve."

And he sat there, Rose in his arms, as he watched over her. His hearts beating. Always alone.

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**A/N: Well... That was fun. Sorry if it bored you, but it was just an annoying idea at the back of my mind, and I had to try it out. I debated whether to go on, and have a happy ending - with Rose waking up as he kissed her... But I thought it would be too cliched :S - so, sorry if you wanted a fluffed ending. **

**Reviews are always welcome hint hint**


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